1. In paragraph number two, I provide the reader with good detail. It grabs the readers attention allowing them to have a clear picture in their mind about what I am explaining.
2. In paragraph number four, I show the reader what I have learned. The reader can understand 'how family can effect an individual' and how I have grown from the experience.
Weaknesses:
1. I need to improve on the sentence structure within each paragraph. The first sentence needs to be the topic sentence of the paragraphs and from there each paragraph should go from broad to specific. Staying on the same topic, if I create a sentence that is not on the same track of the topic sentence then I will have to remove it and replace it with a new more specific to the paragraph.
2. I need to improve on replacing the vague words. Replace the words such as "it, this, that, you" with more detailed words to help the reader 'get' what I am trying to say.
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